Writing 201 Assignment #4 Personal Reflection:
WRITING 201 ASSIGNMENT 3 OPINION PIECE :
What if I told you that one day you will meet a girl who is unlike anyone else you’ve known. She will know all the right things to say, what makes you laugh, what turns you on, what drives you wild and best of all, you will do for her exactly what she does for you.
“When will I meet her?”
Well, let’s put it this way, she doesn’t even exist yet.”
― Lang Leav
You’ve heard the saying “Age is nothing but a number.” You’ve also heard young women dismissed as gold diggers when they date older men. Since dating has no written rules, which can be a good thing, we have to experiment and judge for ourselves.
Dating an older or younger guy can be a challenge. A lot of the time it’s the remarks from those who disapprove (or don’t understand) that make it so difficult. Like any relationship, if it’s sincere and you’re both committed to making an effort, it can work
Sometimes, the age difference between two lovers makes no difference. But almost all the time, age difference can play a big role in the success of a relationship. Emotional maturity is the biggest hurdle in relationships with an age difference. It can play a huge part in deciding your fate as a couple. Younger lovers are almost always more restless, impatient and enthusiastic, while the older lovers are calmer and patient. How is it in your relationship? Is the difference in emotional maturity and experience driving a wedge in the romance?
But, does this age difference or the lack of it between spouses affect the relationship in anyway, which one is better? I may not a relationship expert, but I am trying to find out the logic and pinpoint about which one is better, when the man is older than the women, or when the man and women are of equal ages, or when the woman is older than the man.
In the first situation, where the man is much older than the women. We have examples like- Saif-Kareena, Brad Pitt -Angelina Jolie and many more. And they are having a much healthy, happy and successful marriage/relationships.
Coming to the good things about having a much older men; they balance out the relationship completely because of his calmer, cooler attitude. Men have the great ability of decision making. The women can feel pampered one in this relationship. Another positive thing about this relationship is that they generally get away with any tantrum because the men is gentle and patient toward his women.
Now, coming to the negatives of this relationship, since the women are much younger to her man, he never considers her grown up enough to get her involved in any major decision making. She is almost the last one whose approval is needed if something of significance is planned. This is quite irritating, of course, they don’t have much say in such matters. Also, the man’s friend’s and wives/girlfriends are much, much older than her and in a gathering or get-together kind of function, she feels very uncomfortable because there aren’t many people who come close to her age group.
The second case scenario is where the man and women are both of the same age. Coming to the positives, if there is no age gap, most probably, the man and women will be having matching wavelengths in thinking and attitude. Since age won’t be a factor, these kinds of relationships can be friendship based. Decisions can be taken together and there may be a lot of common friends from each side to hang out with. Couples can understand each other’s psyche and point of view better in such marriages. In such marriages, spouses are able to cooperate with each other better and handle responsibilities of running the house equally. The compatibility quotient among same-age partners also may be high.
Coming to the negatives where there is no age difference between Couples, ego problems that crop up between partners creates problems. In such cases, what I think, is that, ego plays a major part and spouses are hesitant to buckle down or mellow down in a fight or squabble.
The third case scenario is where the women are older to the men, although, such marriages are rare even today, but most of them are successful. When a woman is older to a man in a relationship, she is able to handle the man sensitively and cleverly. Most of the time, the reigns and command of the marriage are in the woman’s hand and she pulls the strings effectively and efficiently to make the relationship work. In such relationships, the guy receives a lot of pampering and affection, and that makes him stick to his spouse for long. These women are sometimes called as a cougar, but that’s a bad word to describe women. The best example of an older wife and younger husband is that of Anjali and Sachin Tendulkar. I think theirs is an almost perfect marriage. There are no hitches and Sachin and Anjali’s marriage seems to be going great guns even after so many years.
In spite of pros and cons in each category detailed above, differences do crop up between couples and divorces/break up do happen. What works is the compatibility factor between the couples and the levels to which they are willing to compromise and adjust to make the relationship work. For relationships succeed, couples need to: connect emotionally, physically, and spiritually; feel free to be themselves, be vulnerable, and know they can make mistakes and be accepted unconditionally. Couples also need to have fun, grow, and evolve together.
Ultimately, it’s you who calls the shots on whom you date. Don’t think that you need to convince everyone of your love. While support from your loved ones is important, don’t dwell on every single remark you hear about the relationship — some people have nothing better to do than criticize. People connect with people of all sorts of ages for a variety of reasons. Don’t think that you’re supposed to be with someone your age. If you know the relationship is right (and legally), then stick with it.
Which one of the above marriages/relationships do you think is the most feasible? Do voice your opinions too.
WRITING 201 ASSIGNMENT 2 INSTRUCTIONAL :
Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of fulfillment outside of ourselves. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not all innate. Failed relationships happen. Breakups can be so hard, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.
WHO IS AFFECTED MORE BY A BREAKUP, THE BOY OR THE GIRL?
According to a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this is very well the case. The study of more than 1,000 men and women of 18 to 23 years of age shows that a broken heart hurts men more than women. “The researchers found that breakups cause men more emotional grief, and that they feel their identity and self-worth threatened more.”
In my experience, men and women both suffer equally. However, they both express their grief in different ways, have different belief-systems when it comes to their recovery and they both attach different weight to the various stresses in a break-up.
Someone once said that-
“Ever seen two kids playing with a rubber band? Two innocent kids holding on to a rubber band and both stretching it.
Do you know who gets hurt when the rubber band breaks or if someone lets go?
The person holding on to it…”
The one you are still in Love even after the breakup….
The other just moves on… while the one who was really in love is never able to love someone else the way he loved his/her ONE.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE THE LOSS OF THE RELATIONSHIP:
Remember that moving on is the end goal: Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future: When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future, you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression: Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.
DEAL WITH YOUR HATE PHASE:
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
UNHEALTHY WAYS OF COPING WITH BREAKUP:
In an attempt to cope, we sometimes try to avoid our feelings. We react by obsessing or being preoccupied with our lost love, withdrawing from others and retreating into fantasy, immersing ourselves into other relationships or coursework, or trying to find a “fix”—using our addictions to numb the pain and escape the situation. These types of reactions and attempts to cope frequently create deeper despair.
COPING WITH BREAK UP:
Give yourself a break: Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings: It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time.
DON’T RETHINK YOUR DECISION:
If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren’t so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn’t want to break up after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
RESPECT YOURSELF DURING BREAKUP:
Don’t beg: He broke up with you. He’s already made up his mind. No matter how shocked, panicked, and in pain you are, don’t beg him for another chance. It’s very hard to do, but try hard not to cry too much – of course, it may be impossible not to cry. But crying a little, then saying, “I’m so sad about this, but if that’s your decision, I have no choice but to accept it,” is much more dignified than screaming, “No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to!!” Let him leave and then pitch your hysterical fit.
Never let him see you sweat: Once the big breakup is over with, don’t keep on letting him get to you. Even if you don’t feel like it, go get dressed up and go out with your friends. You don’t have to get drunk, or try to pick up guys (like they may be doing), but just to go and hang with pals is a good thing. Try to avoid going to places where you will be likely to run into him. If you do see him while you’re out, just smile and nod. If you feel like you might cry, excuse yourself and walk to the restroom. Do your crying in there, and don’t come out till you look strong again (even if you feel shaky inside, you must try your best to look like you’re okay).
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS:
You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. J
WRITE ALL YOUR FEELINGS DOWN:
Write in a journal or Diary or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.
Ideally, as you work through this process of recovery you will begin to make new choices for yourself and feel better. Loss “takes time” to heal from. However, if you let yourself grieve, acknowledge the loss, focus on learning from your experience, and spend your energy concentrating on yourself… with time you will find yourself “moving on”. Whether this means you choose to remain single or enter into new romantic relationships, you will notice you feel differently than you did in the beginning and realize you are now doing things differently as well.
I conclude my talk about Break up’s with Coco J. Ginger’s famous quote which I truly believe and feel the same-
“Sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love there are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death.
To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.
I say this to you now: I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.”
― Coco J. Ginger
My blog is all about Relationships and its after effects. So when I got an opportunity from ‘WRITING 201’ for taking someone interview I got excited, because it’s a very good idea to know about peoples point of view on this topic “Relationships and its effects” but then I thought whom I interview??? Then this good friend of mine came into my mind. And when I asked her, she is more than happy to share her point of view on this subject with us, however, she has one compulsion that her name should not be disclosed.
So we call her ‘DI’ she is an old and good friend of mine. She is a very energetic and joyful kind of a person and currently she is working with and reputed MNC as Senior analyst.
My interview with DI is as follows:
“Few relationships are meant not to be defined, but to be felt from the bottom of your hearts. Friendship is one among them.”
“I always wanted ‘that man on the poster,’ I am not sure I ever wanted a normal guy. I always dreamed big, which I think is a great thing! My favorites were Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar… They are gorgeous looking. And among Hollywood hunks, I had crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise and River Phoenix. Also, remember I probably had to be a bit aspirational, because if I showed you pictures of when I was younger, you would be scared. There were some teen romances here and there, but honestly, I don’t think anyone was particularly attracted to me at that time, because I simply loved to eat.
“I don’t remember my sad day’s because I believe that life is very small to smile, then why fight and remember all sorrows. There is actually a very beautiful saying “Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you cry alone.” because the world must borrow some of its mirth. But has sorrows enough of its own.”
MY OPINION ABOUT BOYS AND GIRLS
“BOYS -A good thing provided by God to give warmth to your eyes.
GIRLS-The best creation of god as generally people says, if you remember they say that : “God created the world and rested, God created man and rested, but when God created woman neither god nor man rested.”Both of them started admiring her.”
AM I EVER GUILTY OF GAMES BEAUTIFUL WOMEN PLAY?
“Maybe… sometimes, but by and large, I am always decent to people. I try and see things from the other person’s point of view, I always reply to messages; return phone calls, emails. All I will confess is that I like lots of guys, I am young, and that’s it!”
DO I FEAR LOVE?
“No. I am someone who actually jumps head long into everything and anything. I am not one of those people who likes to be scared; instead I have a tendency to be very, very open to everything. I really love, I love life. If I have to jump out of a plane, I will jump out. If I have to fall in love, I will. Even if I get my heart broken, I want to experience everything. I never, ever hold myself back. Because I have one life to live, you know?”
HOW I LIKE TO BE?
“Like I said I just want to bite into life like that, I just want to be myself. I am not trying to make myself sound any better than the average person, but I must confess I think it’s exhausting to not be yourself. This is the easiest way to be — natural!”
“Actually, every day offers you a lot of happiness. It’s only that how you take it. That thing which comes in your life you call it a happiness or (sadness) sorrow.”
MARRIAGE AS A PRIORITY RIGHT NOW
“Marriage is the least of my priorities right now. I want to focus on my career.
DI, THE DIVA
“How do I feel being sought-after for the way I look now? To be very honest, it feels good. More than the way I look, I have really come into my own, it’s not only about shedding fat, it’s also about knowing who you are and what you are capable of, what you want to do with yourself… you have a certain level of confidence and a certain sense of self. And people seem to realize that you are very comfortable with yourself, and people get attracted to that. I am not defensive anymore, my overall attitude is ‘I am who I am,’ and I think people enjoy seeing that.”
WOULD I REARRANGE MY LIFE FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?
“In this day and age, the first person you really need to love is yourself. You prioritize yourself and your work… all these come first. First, you need to be happy in a relationship. You shouldn’t think five years down the line, that ‘I did all this for you, I sacrificed all this.’ I think that should never be the case. And I think there should be compromises on both sides. No relationship works without making an effort. That goes without saying. But you should never overcompensate.”
DEFINING SINGLE HOOD
“To me single hood is, if you are not married, or not in a really, really committed relationship. If you are just dating or seeing someone for a while, I feel, that’s still being single. You are still by yourself, because being single is having your own life. And when you are in a relationship you essentially share your life, you pay for each other, you have a collective pool of money, you have a house together; that for me is a relationship. But being single is being independent, having your own life, your own money, being able to make your own decisions, without anyone else influencing you. I think as time is progressing, I feel being single is also now coming with a sense of self-respect, especially for women. You marry out of free will. If I marry, it will be from a personal choice, not some social compulsion or norm. It may not work that way for women in small towns, but I think it’s slowly getting there. It’s definitely there in big metros.”
A RECENT ROMANTIC MOMENT
“I recently saw a film, titled The Fountain, and I felt the director was a little indulgent, but the very thought of it, was that you can go to any leaps and bounds to be with the person you really love.”
VALUES THAT KEEP ME GROUNDED
“Respect for elders, respect for everyone. I am not an aggressive person. I don’t think I will ever have a live-in relationship because I don’t want to hurt my parents, I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t judge people who live together, but I don’t want to hurt my family’s sentiments.”
KIND OF RELATIONSHIP I AM LOOKING NOW
“I’m looking for a relationship of a lifetime. Look at my parents, they met 6 months before their marriage and just celebrated their 25th anniversary. My mom and dad are more than in love today then ever before. Even my grandparents share a relationship like that. That’s what I want.”
KIND OF MEN I FALL IN LOVE WITH
“I’m not really looking for anyone. I believe in serendipity when it comes to love, it will happen when it’s meant to. OK, I’ll tell you. Well, he should be intelligent, have good values, be courteous to my parents and family, have a great sense of right and wrong and respect me and give me space.”
My VIEW ON DEMANDING LOVE AND SHARING LOVE
If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.”
Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.
TIME FOR FALLING IN LOVE
Don’t compromise or get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone sometimes because you are spending time with your best friend. Ironically, being in a bad relationship can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
WHAT “TRUE LOVE” REALLY IS?
When two people get together and start working on themselves—when they aim to grow together instead of avoiding growth by depending too much on each other—they build a connection to a higher level. Couples who understand that this is the greatest gift they can give each other will be the happiest couples; they will experience true love!
I’m the worst person to give love advice, but I strongly believe that a relationship should make you feel good. If the person you’re involved with makes you feel bad, drop the creep right then.
Once the basic needs of food, shelter and security are delt with human beings look for one more critical need—before aiming for the highest level of self-actualisation—and that is the fundamental need to be liked and be held in high esteem by others.
Indeed, to be accepted and valued by others is a driving force that influences most of our actions. From an early age, a child is made conscious of the need to be liked by others. “Don’t be greedy,what will uncle say?”, “come on, you don’t want others to think you are a naughty girl, do you?”.
Children carry forth this need for approval into adulthood, making critical choices of education, careers, even love and marriage with an eye on the approval meter. ‘What will people say’ become such a huge issue that many an ambition, out-of-the-box thought or intutive plan is sacrificed at this altar. Those who can overcome this need are the solitary marchers, the mavericks, the real achievers.
At the rick of alienating other siblings, a child vies to be liked and admired best by his or her parents. To become the teacher’s pet , a student willingly sacrifices the trust and friendship of classmates. In order to win approvel and acceptence from peers, adolescents indulge in acts of revolt . As age advances, the desire to be liked and approved by others becomes more pronounce, especially amongest those who lack self-esteem, and have a constant desire to be reassured that their life has been worth something. This trait is commenly observed amongest famous people who live on a diet of admiration and adulation. As age advances and their popularity decline, celebrities make desperate attempts to retain their status in eyes of others, failing which, they slip into depression or alcoholism, which allows them to dwell in a fanciful world as life ebbs away.
A critical component is self-esteem, distinguish between ‘lower’ esteem and ‘higher’ esteem, the former being the need to be liked by others, and the latter being respect for one’s own self. To achieve the higher self-esteem, one needs to turn focus from others to one’s own self. From outside to within. What others think of you becomes irrelevent as you start trusting your own judgment and strictly following your own judgment and strictly following your own code of ethics. From a follower you become a role model, from an “also was”, you move to “the one”!
This dosen’t however mean that if you develop self-esteem, you do not care for others. A certain amount societal approval is always necessary. We all love to be liked, and so, we inculcate pleasant manners and behaviour towards that end. We smile at another,hoping for a smile back; we help others, hoping one day to be helped back. And it is these niceties that make life worth living.
ATTRACT PEOPLE BY YOUR WIDTH OF SUBSTANCE, DEPTH OF KNOWLEDGE, STRENGTH OF MORAL FIBRE AND VAST WISDOM, RATHER THAN BY MAKING SHALLOW GESTURES THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE THROUGH EASILY.
what is important is to understand that there are plenty of ways to make people notice/like you and seek your company. Actions, critical decisions and your behaviour must never be dictated purely by what others will think of you. No matter how you mould yourself to the casts set by others, the world will still admire the man who marches to his own drum and follows his own set of rules and principles; the one who maintains his dignity and dosen’t spreed himself too thin in an attempt to please the world. Attract people by your width of substance, depth of knowledge, strength of moral fibre, and vast wisdom, rather than by making shallow gestures that people can see through.
What matters at the end of the day is–Did you achieve your full potential? Did you live with dignity and self-respect? Did you stay true to your own principles? If yes, don’t worry about others liking or disliking you. Your own self-esteem will be so high that it will attract the greatest regard from all.
Think about it……
“To understand yourself and know your future better, a visit to your past self- with all your early dreams, aspirations and motivation- is critical.”
Sometimes, in order to go ahead, you need to take several steps backwards. Just as tiger steps back and crouches to gather strength before making a giant leap, we need to be acquainted with our past and ourselves before making a leap of faith.
And since you need to lose some things in order to gain other, more precious treasure, it is critical to understand what is worth losing, and the risks that are worth taking. None of this possible if we are uncertain about what we desire of life.
When we meet a stalemate in life, or a dead-end when we find no indication of where to go next, it helps to travel back in time to where we started off. It is there that we may find again what initially inspired and motivated us.
Dreams and unfulfilled aspirations rooted in the past had that power. They keep you on the go! We all love to talk about what could have, but did not happen. Our regrets over unfulfilled dreams serve as a fuel to keep us going. The important things is to remember the dreams. They connect our past to the present, and to a nebulous future.
Sometimes a connect with our own past and young dreams can be painful indeed, if we realize how far away we are from what we once considered an ideal life, and that brings about a certain restlessness that disturbs us. But that’s no reason to lead half-lived lives.
Many people, especially those whose families relocated, have this deep desire to trace their roots and understand their origins. Placing yourself in their context of your origins helps give you an idea of who you are, which helps you understand the veracity and strength of your motivators, dreams and ambitions. Without knowing yourself, you cannot move ahead. In order to build a worthwhile future, a visit to your past self is essential.