WRITING 201 ASSIGNMENT 2 INSTRUCTIONAL :
Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of fulfillment outside of ourselves. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not all innate. Failed relationships happen. Breakups can be so hard, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.
WHO IS AFFECTED MORE BY A BREAKUP, THE BOY OR THE GIRL?
According to a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this is very well the case. The study of more than 1,000 men and women of 18 to 23 years of age shows that a broken heart hurts men more than women. “The researchers found that breakups cause men more emotional grief, and that they feel their identity and self-worth threatened more.”
In my experience, men and women both suffer equally. However, they both express their grief in different ways, have different belief-systems when it comes to their recovery and they both attach different weight to the various stresses in a break-up.
Someone once said that-
“Ever seen two kids playing with a rubber band? Two innocent kids holding on to a rubber band and both stretching it.
Do you know who gets hurt when the rubber band breaks or if someone lets go?
The person holding on to it…”
The one you are still in Love even after the breakup….
The other just moves on… while the one who was really in love is never able to love someone else the way he loved his/her ONE.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE THE LOSS OF THE RELATIONSHIP:
Remember that moving on is the end goal: Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future: When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future, you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression: Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.
DEAL WITH YOUR HATE PHASE:
This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
UNHEALTHY WAYS OF COPING WITH BREAKUP:
In an attempt to cope, we sometimes try to avoid our feelings. We react by obsessing or being preoccupied with our lost love, withdrawing from others and retreating into fantasy, immersing ourselves into other relationships or coursework, or trying to find a “fix”—using our addictions to numb the pain and escape the situation. These types of reactions and attempts to cope frequently create deeper despair.
COPING WITH BREAK UP:
Give yourself a break: Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings: It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time.
DON’T RETHINK YOUR DECISION:
If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren’t so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn’t want to break up after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
RESPECT YOURSELF DURING BREAKUP:
Don’t beg: He broke up with you. He’s already made up his mind. No matter how shocked, panicked, and in pain you are, don’t beg him for another chance. It’s very hard to do, but try hard not to cry too much – of course, it may be impossible not to cry. But crying a little, then saying, “I’m so sad about this, but if that’s your decision, I have no choice but to accept it,” is much more dignified than screaming, “No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to!!” Let him leave and then pitch your hysterical fit.
Never let him see you sweat: Once the big breakup is over with, don’t keep on letting him get to you. Even if you don’t feel like it, go get dressed up and go out with your friends. You don’t have to get drunk, or try to pick up guys (like they may be doing), but just to go and hang with pals is a good thing. Try to avoid going to places where you will be likely to run into him. If you do see him while you’re out, just smile and nod. If you feel like you might cry, excuse yourself and walk to the restroom. Do your crying in there, and don’t come out till you look strong again (even if you feel shaky inside, you must try your best to look like you’re okay).
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS:
You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. J
WRITE ALL YOUR FEELINGS DOWN:
Write in a journal or Diary or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.
Ideally, as you work through this process of recovery you will begin to make new choices for yourself and feel better. Loss “takes time” to heal from. However, if you let yourself grieve, acknowledge the loss, focus on learning from your experience, and spend your energy concentrating on yourself… with time you will find yourself “moving on”. Whether this means you choose to remain single or enter into new romantic relationships, you will notice you feel differently than you did in the beginning and realize you are now doing things differently as well.
I conclude my talk about Break up’s with Coco J. Ginger’s famous quote which I truly believe and feel the same-
“Sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love there are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death.
To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.
I say this to you now: I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.”
― Coco J. Ginger
I totally agree with @Darkvampiress. I get asked all the time why I find it so hard to trust people. I ask them why it’s so hard to keep a promise??? WHY???
I never thought I could love anyone in this world,
until I met you.
You gave me a meaning for life,
and reasons for me to live.
Every single reason you gave me,
they all involved you.
You told me if I stay alive,
you would love me forever.
If I made it through the night,
you would give me a kiss in the morning.
If I gave you my heart,
I would get yours in return.
None of the promises you made to me were true.
I gave you my heart,
and you crushed it right infront of me.
I decided to live for you,
and you didn’t keep your promise to love me.
I made it through the night
and you didn’t kiss me in the morning.
I gave you everything you asked,
and you gave me nothing in return.
Everyone makes promises they should keep,
but not one did you keep to me.
I gave up dying to be here with you,
and I don’t even get an “I love you”.
It hurts the most that you didn’t keep your promises,
and that you lied to me.
I gave you everything,
and I get nothing.
I hope one day you will make it up to me,
but I don’t know if that will ever happen for me.
My blog is all about Relationships and its after effects. So when I got an opportunity from ‘WRITING 201’ for taking someone interview I got excited, because it’s a very good idea to know about peoples point of view on this topic “Relationships and its effects” but then I thought whom I interview??? Then this good friend of mine came into my mind. And when I asked her, she is more than happy to share her point of view on this subject with us, however, she has one compulsion that her name should not be disclosed.
So we call her ‘DI’ she is an old and good friend of mine. She is a very energetic and joyful kind of a person and currently she is working with and reputed MNC as Senior analyst.
My interview with DI is as follows:
“Few relationships are meant not to be defined, but to be felt from the bottom of your hearts. Friendship is one among them.”
“I always wanted ‘that man on the poster,’ I am not sure I ever wanted a normal guy. I always dreamed big, which I think is a great thing! My favorites were Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar… They are gorgeous looking. And among Hollywood hunks, I had crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise and River Phoenix. Also, remember I probably had to be a bit aspirational, because if I showed you pictures of when I was younger, you would be scared. There were some teen romances here and there, but honestly, I don’t think anyone was particularly attracted to me at that time, because I simply loved to eat.
“I don’t remember my sad day’s because I believe that life is very small to smile, then why fight and remember all sorrows. There is actually a very beautiful saying “Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you cry alone.” because the world must borrow some of its mirth. But has sorrows enough of its own.”
MY OPINION ABOUT BOYS AND GIRLS
“BOYS -A good thing provided by God to give warmth to your eyes.
GIRLS-The best creation of god as generally people says, if you remember they say that : “God created the world and rested, God created man and rested, but when God created woman neither god nor man rested.”Both of them started admiring her.”
AM I EVER GUILTY OF GAMES BEAUTIFUL WOMEN PLAY?
“Maybe… sometimes, but by and large, I am always decent to people. I try and see things from the other person’s point of view, I always reply to messages; return phone calls, emails. All I will confess is that I like lots of guys, I am young, and that’s it!”
DO I FEAR LOVE?
“No. I am someone who actually jumps head long into everything and anything. I am not one of those people who likes to be scared; instead I have a tendency to be very, very open to everything. I really love, I love life. If I have to jump out of a plane, I will jump out. If I have to fall in love, I will. Even if I get my heart broken, I want to experience everything. I never, ever hold myself back. Because I have one life to live, you know?”
HOW I LIKE TO BE?
“Like I said I just want to bite into life like that, I just want to be myself. I am not trying to make myself sound any better than the average person, but I must confess I think it’s exhausting to not be yourself. This is the easiest way to be — natural!”
“Actually, every day offers you a lot of happiness. It’s only that how you take it. That thing which comes in your life you call it a happiness or (sadness) sorrow.”
MARRIAGE AS A PRIORITY RIGHT NOW
“Marriage is the least of my priorities right now. I want to focus on my career.
DI, THE DIVA
“How do I feel being sought-after for the way I look now? To be very honest, it feels good. More than the way I look, I have really come into my own, it’s not only about shedding fat, it’s also about knowing who you are and what you are capable of, what you want to do with yourself… you have a certain level of confidence and a certain sense of self. And people seem to realize that you are very comfortable with yourself, and people get attracted to that. I am not defensive anymore, my overall attitude is ‘I am who I am,’ and I think people enjoy seeing that.”
WOULD I REARRANGE MY LIFE FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?
“In this day and age, the first person you really need to love is yourself. You prioritize yourself and your work… all these come first. First, you need to be happy in a relationship. You shouldn’t think five years down the line, that ‘I did all this for you, I sacrificed all this.’ I think that should never be the case. And I think there should be compromises on both sides. No relationship works without making an effort. That goes without saying. But you should never overcompensate.”
DEFINING SINGLE HOOD
“To me single hood is, if you are not married, or not in a really, really committed relationship. If you are just dating or seeing someone for a while, I feel, that’s still being single. You are still by yourself, because being single is having your own life. And when you are in a relationship you essentially share your life, you pay for each other, you have a collective pool of money, you have a house together; that for me is a relationship. But being single is being independent, having your own life, your own money, being able to make your own decisions, without anyone else influencing you. I think as time is progressing, I feel being single is also now coming with a sense of self-respect, especially for women. You marry out of free will. If I marry, it will be from a personal choice, not some social compulsion or norm. It may not work that way for women in small towns, but I think it’s slowly getting there. It’s definitely there in big metros.”
A RECENT ROMANTIC MOMENT
“I recently saw a film, titled The Fountain, and I felt the director was a little indulgent, but the very thought of it, was that you can go to any leaps and bounds to be with the person you really love.”
VALUES THAT KEEP ME GROUNDED
“Respect for elders, respect for everyone. I am not an aggressive person. I don’t think I will ever have a live-in relationship because I don’t want to hurt my parents, I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t judge people who live together, but I don’t want to hurt my family’s sentiments.”
KIND OF RELATIONSHIP I AM LOOKING NOW
“I’m looking for a relationship of a lifetime. Look at my parents, they met 6 months before their marriage and just celebrated their 25th anniversary. My mom and dad are more than in love today then ever before. Even my grandparents share a relationship like that. That’s what I want.”
KIND OF MEN I FALL IN LOVE WITH
“I’m not really looking for anyone. I believe in serendipity when it comes to love, it will happen when it’s meant to. OK, I’ll tell you. Well, he should be intelligent, have good values, be courteous to my parents and family, have a great sense of right and wrong and respect me and give me space.”
My VIEW ON DEMANDING LOVE AND SHARING LOVE
If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.”
Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.
TIME FOR FALLING IN LOVE
Don’t compromise or get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone sometimes because you are spending time with your best friend. Ironically, being in a bad relationship can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
WHAT “TRUE LOVE” REALLY IS?
When two people get together and start working on themselves—when they aim to grow together instead of avoiding growth by depending too much on each other—they build a connection to a higher level. Couples who understand that this is the greatest gift they can give each other will be the happiest couples; they will experience true love!
I’m the worst person to give love advice, but I strongly believe that a relationship should make you feel good. If the person you’re involved with makes you feel bad, drop the creep right then.