BREAKUP!! HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ???

WRITING  201 ASSIGNMENT 2 INSTRUCTIONAL :

Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of fulfillment outside of ourselves. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not all innate. Failed relationships happen. Breakups can be so hard, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

breakup

WHO IS AFFECTED MORE BY A BREAKUP, THE BOY OR THE GIRL?

According to a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this is very well the case. The study of more than 1,000 men and women of 18 to 23 years of age shows that a broken heart hurts men more than women. “The researchers found that breakups cause men more emotional grief, and that they feel their identity and self-worth threatened more.”

In my experience, men and women both suffer equally. However, they both express their grief in different ways, have different belief-systems when it comes to their recovery and they both attach different weight to the various stresses in a break-up.

Someone once said that-

“Ever seen two kids playing with a rubber band? Two innocent kids holding on to a rubber band and both stretching it.
Do you know who gets hurt when the rubber band breaks or if someone lets go?
The person holding on to it…”

The one you are still in Love even after the breakup….
The other just moves on… while the one who was really in love is never able to love someone else the way he loved his/her ONE.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE THE LOSS OF THE RELATIONSHIP:

Remember that moving on is the end goal: Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.

Remind yourself that you still have a future: When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future, you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.

Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression: Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.

DEAL WITH YOUR HATE PHASE:

This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.

UNHEALTHY WAYS OF COPING WITH BREAKUP:

In an attempt to cope, we sometimes try to avoid our feelings. We react by obsessing or being preoccupied with our lost love, withdrawing from others and retreating into fantasy, immersing ourselves into other relationships or coursework, or trying to find a “fix”—using our addictions to numb the pain and escape the situation. These types of reactions and attempts to cope frequently create deeper despair.

COPING WITH BREAK UP:

Give yourself a break: Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.

Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings: It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time.

DON’T RETHINK YOUR DECISION:

If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren’t so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn’t want to break up after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.

RESPECT YOURSELF DURING BREAKUP:

Don’t beg: He broke up with you. He’s already made up his mind. No matter how shocked, panicked, and in pain you are, don’t beg him for another chance. It’s very hard to do, but try hard not to cry too much – of course, it may be impossible not to cry. But crying a little, then saying, “I’m so sad about this, but if that’s your decision, I have no choice but to accept it,” is much more dignified than screaming, “No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to!!” Let him leave and then pitch your hysterical fit.

Never let him see you sweat: Once the big breakup is over with, don’t keep on letting him get to you. Even if you don’t feel like it, go get dressed up and go out with your friends. You don’t have to get drunk, or try to pick up guys (like they may be doing), but just to go and hang with pals is a good thing. Try to avoid going to places where you will be likely to run into him. If you do see him while you’re out, just smile and nod. If you feel like you might cry, excuse yourself and walk to the restroom. Do your crying in there, and don’t come out till you look strong again (even if you feel shaky inside, you must try your best to look like you’re okay).

TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS:

You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. J

WRITE ALL YOUR FEELINGS DOWN:

Write in a journal or Diary or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.

RECOVERY: 

Ideally, as you work through this process of recovery you will begin to make new choices for yourself and feel better. Loss “takes time” to heal from. However, if you let yourself grieve, acknowledge the loss, focus on learning from your experience, and spend your energy concentrating on yourself… with time you will find yourself “moving on”. Whether this means you choose to remain single or enter into new romantic relationships, you will notice you feel differently than you did in the beginning and realize you are now doing things differently as well.

I  conclude my talk about Break up’s with Coco J. Ginger’s famous  quote which I truly believe and feel the same-

“Sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love there are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death.

To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.

I say this to you now: I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.”
― Coco J. Ginger

images (6)

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “BREAKUP!! HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ???

  1. That quote at the end by Coco did it for me!!! 🙂 . I cant begin to tell you my favorite from these tips because each one them I find to be really important. So, thank you fellow gal 😉 for these how tos’.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi,
    How are you ? Sorry me and kids were sick last week,so couldn’t get in touch. But wanted to see your instructional piece. Is this the one. This post is good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Didi,
      Aw, Sad to know that, what happened Didi??? Hope you all are feeling better now. Please do take care 🙂 I’m good dear. Yes, this one is my instructional piece. Thank You Didi 🙂

      Like

      • It’s just regular cold and cough .But my little one is only 18 months. So he really needs lot of attention. I still have to work on last weeks assignment.
        What are you doing for this week’s assignment ?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aw, you got the season… Please take care 🙂 Aw, so small baby.. I know your attention should be there.. Don’t worry, he will be better soon :-* 🙂
        It’s ok to take time and complete it, no need to hurry 🙂 I’m working on a topic related age differences in a relation… I hope it will come out well… You know this one is a little bit tough then the previous two 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Greetings@Nimmi,

    “Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of fulfillment outside of ourselves. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not all innate. Failed relationships happen. Breakups can be so hard, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.”

    Question: In spite of your status now (married or single), are you ready to have a healthy, loving relationship in a new mind set?

    Question: Might you ask yourself in the near future, what love is?

    Answer: The answer is, love is universal. It is the nature of God the creator of heaven and earth. Love (our creator’s Love) transcends all barriers, is patient, is kind, and never envies anybody, neither is it boastful, nor selfish, or rude, or takes on anger quickly, or rejoice in the faults of others, but finds pleasure in truth, and of course, it faces everything and endures for ever. [1 Corinthians 13: 1-13]

    HOW A WOMEN CAN EARN BACK HER RESPECT

    True love guarantees “a healthy and loving relationship,” for everyone. And a woman who takes a platonic stance before entering into a relationship with a man (meaning a sexless relationship), will certainly earn that respect. O Yes, after trying all his tricks and she still holds on to her pride (self importance) and dignity: he gets the message, and he knows that she values herself highly, and before she knows it that deceiver is gone, if in fact he was one, and her feelings is not hurt period.

    WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

    Remember always that love is patient, but lust is not, and built up emotions if not controlled cannot wait. If single, many will come to you, and will go as they come, but the one who stays and respect your view on relationship, sex and marriage is the one you should try to know more about, and if compatible, start talking about future plans, if he is interested

    Know also those single and married women who still carry the person, who hurt them and moved on, in your heart, are doing an injustice to themselves. This is so because they have actually made that first man in their lives an idol, and holding on to that person they create what is called “soul-tie.” And unless they break that tie and let the him go completely, they cannot love, and release surrender their all to the person who perhaps really loves you, and married them for a lifetime.

    HUMAN BEINGS NEED A NEW NATURE AND A NEW MIND SET TO LOVE

    Finally, human beings need a new nature and a new mind to love— in its true sense. Christ is universal and is love. So with the nature of Christ one can truly love herself/himself first, and subsequently demonstrate His love to others. Falling in love with Christ is essential and this makes one complete in Him. Falling in love with Christ is practical if one comes to Him with an open mind.

    HOW TO POSSESS CHRIST’S DIVINE NATURE

    Thus with an open mind, one may say, God creator of heaven and earth, I love you. I have been rebelling against your love for me. Forgive me of all the wrong things I have done. I need your divine nature to do the right things now, and I invite Christ as my new friend in my heart and life. Come into my heart Christ, and be my friend for ever. Christ I love you.

    By inviting Christ into your life, He gives you a new life, a new mind set, and a new nature, a new identity, (you belong to the family of God), a new sense of value, and a new purpose for living. And with Christ love: you can truly love your husband, if married, as you love yourself; others, too. May God richly bless you.
    You may read and learn more about Christ and His love for man in the New Testament.

    Sincerely,
    Elderwil58

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much @elderwil58, for your question and giving me some great topic to think about.
      Firstly, I answer your first question- According to the topic, If a person is married/single and going through with divorce/break up he/she must give time to themselves first. Find something or some work which they love to do like some creative work, of which can give them a chance to forget the past and then if they want they can move on and have a fulfilling new life. Every person needs love and whatever happened in their past because of that they can’t stop them to receive love. When the correct time comes they just feel it.
      Secondly, Love is pure. Yes, you said it right that Love is universal, and it belongs to all. When a person is going with the hurt phase, at that specific moment he/she won’t like that term ‘Love’ slowly when the broken pieces of their heart comes together they again ready to move on with a full swing.
      God is within every living being. If you love them, they love you back.
      I hope that I have given justice to your question. Once again thank you so much for taking time from your busy life and talking to me and giving me such a bunch of knowledge. If you have any other query feel free to ask me 🙂 any time 😉

      Like

  4. Ancient Tombs of Banan

    Four very light pebbles attached
    to flung-sprung rubber band found
    between new laid bricks, retrieved
    by mound-viewing haze-gazer reminds
    him of the day he gave up that for this.

    Tall seeded grasses wave as a group
    passes and a small bee buzzes with
    interest. The man with no plan sees rice
    on the land, chattel by cart, its grain
    raked onto black plastic on the road.

    Some is still standing, Van Gogh’s yellow
    landing between green and smoldering
    fields. Ggachis fly by, bales are stacked
    high, a rooster lets loose surrounded by
    mountains’ shapes feathered in as if Ross

    took his two-incher and stroked Payne’s
    gray in a jagged horizontal line between
    white grading to blue atop, and the
    harvester’s fog below. Set free again, he
    sits looking at ancient burial homes

    so rounded and soft, kept mown, who
    knows how, in pairs that excite the
    dream of the lonely tractor driver
    who precisely gathers the rows. He
    leaves tracks for spring’s women to sew.

    Here comes a guard atop Folk Museum
    to punch his post. He doesn’t look hard
    or he’d see the forbidden beer that
    mimics the color of one more field’s
    cloud that floats by but still notices tears.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. From my personal experience I strongly feel men loose more than girls..I personally lost all my dreams, aims, goals and feel nothing is important note whilst my love is broken…I don’t even worth of earning money… While the girl she will move on with new guy and happy or not she will live the life..
    Personally I have guys who have not even married till they get grey hair and death..yea guys go to the extend of the world

    Liked by 1 person

    • Can understand what you are saying… But, I think it’s not about guys or girls but, it’s all about how much you are involved in that.
      Actually dear, in all over the world men are free to take the decisions like getting married or staying single for their life However, women can’t.
      Thank you so much dear for sharing your point of view ! Appreciated! 😊

      Like

Want to share something....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s